Resolutions . . . 12/31/2018

There is nothing that makes us feel worse about ourselves than New Year’s Resolutions.  These are those cheerful ambitions were demand from ourselves at the end of yet another year of disappointment, failed dreams, and unhappiness.  We say, “No more drinking!” or “I gonna finally lose that weight!” or we’ll stop cheating on our spouse, or beating our kids or, this year, finally, we are going to find true love.  Any one of an innumerable amount of ambitions that, usually within days, we abandon.


If we think about where these ideas come from–this pressurized moment imposed upon us by man-made time–it is easy to distinguish restlessness and dissatisfaction as the primary motives.  There is always something we believe needs to be improved about ourselves (even the most arrogantly self-satisfied among us, although perhaps those of us from this crowd will never admit personal failure to ourselves).  The end of the year is more of a harsh judgment on ourselves from the year that just passed, than an ambitious goal for the future.  “New Year, New Me,” some absolute gutter douchebags declare while nervously sipping their wine, or eating their cake, or dipping a carrot into some creamy goulash, then declaring that, starting tomorrow, they will finally eat healthy.


A couple of junkies, overdoing what they claim will be their last batch ever, take their final shot at 11:59 PM, feeling the rush as the ball is dropping.  No more smack!  It’ll be a whole new me!  And the resumption of desperation and need remains in the morning, regardless of the flip of a calendar or, resetting the clock of our minds.


What makes us think that because some fancy date has come and gone that it’s suddenly not just another day?  I plan on getting drunk tonight, like many of you, I’m sure.  I refuse to claim that I will not also drink tomorrow (I probably will).  I do not wish to break promises to myself.  Know how to succeed in this endeavor?  Promise nothing.  There, that’s my New Year’s Resolution for 2019: I will promise myself nothing.  I will promise no one anything.  My goal, this year, is to succeed in disappointing no one.  If you are reading this after the new year, sadly, I guess I have already failed.


Happy New Year.

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